The Day I Couldn’t Write My Name

Over a period of we week, I became more and more sensitive to things around me. There was much excitement but also terrible disappointment.  There was stress about possible eviction. And excitement about a possibility to join a church’s missions division. Then the procrastination by the pastor; even this morning he yet again failed to show up for a meeting he had set yesterday.

Ups.

Downs.

More and more straw on the camel’s back.

Then came a few nights where I just could not sleep, there were sudden headaches and I arrived at the doctor’s yesterday, having skipped yet another night’s sleep, with sudden, sharp headaches. I was given a form to fill in. Oh, that’s easy!  I have been filling in tax returns, insurance forms of various sorts, other financial forms, death- and birth registrations, the list is endless.  So I look at this form and I think it was printed on Jupiter. I cannot speak and, finally I manage to say a few words. On this form….a drawing of a pine tree or a camel?  I see lines, many lines. What on earth do I have this paper for?  Paper. Papers.

There is a long wait. I remember I have a wife; where is she?  I call her on the phone, she said I kept saying “Papers. Papers. I don’t understand the papers. I don’t understand.”  I recall none of this, but I do remember crying and feeling ashamed as there were people all around me who saw. They checked my vital signs; somehow I remember that to some extent and that my blood pressure was high but reasonable. 161/83. Blood glucose was 9.4; not good but also not as bad as 18. They did find a pulse, somewhere. I peed on my hand when offering a sacrifice in a plastic jar. Yuck. I frightened me that i could not aim. There was a day when I won medals for target shooting over a thousand yards. No I wet my hand because I don’t know where the jar is that it is supposedly holding.

There are so many people; one is busy having a serious stroke.  The day goes by in hour-long seconds; too many of them.

Over time, I get better. I still cannot type on my tablet but I manage to read Joel’s response and an email from a fellow blogger who also had a sudden ER trip.  Yes, now I will remember to read it to my darlingmost wificle.

The doctor sees me. A very decent, soft-spoken Muslim girl. She is so small that I thought she could be in primary school still. She explains to me, as politely as she can, that I am already taking meds for stroke, if it was an ischemic stroke (TIA) but it could have been a neuropathic event caused by diabetes.

That I have my faculties back, seemingly without noticeable damage, is more than just a stroke

of luck

I called it Grace.

I originally posted this on July 8, 2016 and had another mini-stroke in October of that year. Speech impaired, was taken to hospital by ambulance, walked out there a few hours later, having checked myself out and I have recovered fully by His grace since. 

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11 thoughts on “The Day I Couldn’t Write My Name

  1. Aw brother, I’m sorry you’ve had to walk through that. It really touched my heart when I saw that our comments back and forth were part of what you were reading in this situation. I will pray for healing for you brother! I will make that part of my prayers as I go into my sabbath tonight and tomorrow. God bless! Is it better since then? It sounds like God did a graceful miracle?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Joel, my brains seems to be working better but there is some irreversible damage, the doctor said. It is just that we don’t know whether it was diabetes or a TIA. A few day prior, I got lost at a street corner I knew since 1987. It only lasted a short while, there were more times it had happened. I just didn’t tell even my wife. It scares me, as I am only 54. I worked with a multimillion dollar budget plus sometimes with about half a million in cash and could not do it any longer after my first stroke when I was just 32 or 33.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh man, I’m sorry. You are absolutely in my prayers. That would have been scary for me, to go down a familiar road and not remember. well you’re still a Rockstar brother in the Kingdom!!

        That’s cool! What did you do with budgeting? I work in finance so I do a lot of big budgeting.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Budgeting- classified DoD stuff 😃. Thanks for every prayer and, yes, it is downright scary.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dude that is super cool. So I worked for years doing finance and accounting for oil companies. It’s big money. I’m out of oil for now though, with the market downturn and I’m in other commodities now. God has been ridiculously faithful and true in taking care of me and my family during rhe oil crash.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Never would have thunk I would find this so inendpsisable.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: A Pathology of #Disability | Awethentiq®

  3. Oh how scary! But how wonderful you experienced grace and now could write about the experience! The mind is a mystery….that’s why for us believers to be grounded in our faith, to live Philippians 4:8, to have Psalms/songs/hymns stored in our heart! I’ve seen many retired missionaries in their last days (I was on visitation team for our church in a retired missionary town) have sweet Words of Jesus oozing from their lips as they are in such a state and worse. What powerful testimonies!

    Liked by 1 person

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